sense of self

Sense of self is profound compared to what one experiences of others. While we each experience 'life,' each of us exist within our own lonely and singular universe. I think our experience as humans is a constant drive to enter another's universe--to break barriers that take away that sense of isolation.

Sometimes I feel very connected to other people, but often times, there is this barrier that makes that connection impossible. Some people never share their true selves. I have very dear friends I have known for years and yet, when I choose to reflect on it, I realize I hardly know them at all.

Conversly, I know some people very well--by what they have chosen to express to me directly. A sharing of self is as close as two distinct individuals can get, and its downright healthy. When there are those whose words are unneccessary because we have shared and expressed all there is to say, its pretty satisfying.

I frequently think about my own sense of self. The "Who am I and what does that mean to me?" typical serving of friendly mind-banter. The resulf of this never-ending thought process of personal awareness, is that I feel like I know myself farely well. I also feel like the people around me have a pretty good idea of who I am because I choose to share it. Self expression comes very easily.

Sometimes I wonder about my friends who are less candid... do they share less about themselves because they know themselves less? (that they don't think existentially?) or does everyone have a strong sense of self, but chooses not to share for fear of ridicule, alienation or plain old mistrust?

Does conmmunicating one's fears, anxiety and rage increase or reduce conflict? I can only surmise that both are possible. Some things no one shares with anyone else. Some things are socially inappropriate even amongst our closest most trusted. There are those qualities that are pretty human, that everyone feels, does and thinks that no one is interested in. I suppose this is non-constructive sharing of self. The impluses that thankfully we can hide behind a veil of concious restraint; to be thought but never shared are ours alone. However, empathy can widen the sense of self to others, if you will. This is, a very rewarding and constructive sharing of self.

Ahhhhh, I feel like I know you better already:)

Happiness

En route to fulfill the materialistic need of bargain hunting, I remembered that Rabbi Twersky was in town for the evening to lecture on the topic of obtaining the ever evasive feeling of happiness. And while his points were values and lessons that one hears repeatedly--that one repeats to oneself, from time to time, it was wonderful to hear them again, especially from such a positive, upbeat and how shall I say this ? twinkling personality.

Some things he said:
Happiness is misinterpreted by our Western society. Pleasure is not happiness and the pursuit of pleasure does not lead to long term happiness, but only a temporary feeling as we are doing that thing.

True happiness is reaching our human potential. Translated as those characteristics that separate us from other species, i.e. the ability to make judgement callls, learn from history, do things that benefit us in the long term, but that in the short term cause discomfort.

Reaching one's potential includes making the people around you happy, and they will respond likewise (I know this one doesnt always work, but whenever I try it, it helps me).

Not rocket science here, but I felt pretty upbeat when I walked out the door.

I know what happiness feels like. I still am uncertain though, if one has the ability to change who they are so that they may be happier. I don't claim to know what makes people feel happy but I would guess its a combination of feeling fulfilled and not bored, while at the same time, minimizing stress. for some reason, its the self acctualization factor that makes us truly happy, but if its done stressfully, we are done for: We will be miserable if we are stressed. What do you think?

Ani Lo Yochel LeDaberet Ivrit

I am taking a course in Hebrew this semester and its proving to be just as snarky as I anticipated.

I don't know if you are one of those people who sees a picture of everything as they think them. I most definitely am. I am a visual learner and when I think of languages or numbers, I acctually see little question marks floating around in my consciousness. Like acctual chicken scratches and patters like this: @#$$% $#$%&^ $ ^&* &*(^( #$^ its not symbolizing expletives, its just random figures that I cannot decifer. I also see colors, but not colors specific to symbols or letters, but when confronted with new characters in math or language, my brain associates random symbols with the new gumboldeegook so there is a vertual toy chest of random objects flashing in my noggin.

It gets kookier. I know I am not the only one who does this: my grandmother does it. When I was in France, I had the unexplainable urge to speak Hebrew. Standing under the Eiffel Tower, I had to stop from asking Mr. Pierre Shmoex "BeVakasha, Aifo HaSheirutim?"

Which is why, to the unmerciful glee of my ever patient instructor, I blurted out something in Yiddish in my Ivrit class yesterday. Go figure.
(My grandmother, by the way, was speaking Russian in Turkey)

For all of my math/language friends, I cannot even begin to comprehend what they '' see " in their minds as they focus on numbers or letters. Maybe they don't see them at all. But I know with my brain, I don't learn unless I experience, and I don't experience, unless I feel it. Unless there is an emotional association, you can repeat it and repeat it but it will never enter long term memory. Not on your life. I have to connect the new information to things I already know and create elaborate context to associate the new information to the old. Its almost like I have to take new friends and introduce them to the Ganse Mishpocha. My math/language buddies say they like that stuff because it all just makes "so much sense; it's so concrete."

Now what was I saying?

The Scandal Behind the Scandal

So, there was this aweful incident in Monsey, NY where a butcher within a Kosher food mart was selling truly non kosher meat to the general community. People found out, and the chick really hit the fan because the whole darn community was eating traif for the past few weeks (or more, because maybe this wasn't a one time deal).
The owner of the general Kosher food mart had a simcha of some sort, and was talking to his brother who works for satmar chicken shchita. The brother inquired as to where the chickens at the event came from, and the kosher mart brother told him that they were satmar chickens from his very own store. And that's when the brother said, "hey, Moishe, dude, we stopped shipping chickens to the other dude whos is the butcher in your Kosher mart...So somethin's fishy." They confronted the butcher dude who admited buying the birds from a truck driver on the blackmarket (um...ew? illigal animal carcass market? thereis like, a market for that?...Like, "hey dude, I have 10,000 dead animals in the back of this truck, honest, their good...wanna make a few bucks and risk it?"..and if that isn't shady enough to make you wanna hurl your bubbe's chicken soup accross the succah, that's your business).

So the Rabbis of every segment of the community are meating (haha) to discuss what to do now that an entire city has traifed up their kitchens at once.

I feel terrible about this whole deal, what a terrible mess. Aside from the criminalality of the whole deal-the lies, deceit, and greediness, the guy just ruined his family's lives for 19 cents a pound birds and a quick profit.

the Meta analysis of this case is a question I have been wondering about for years. In this mass produced agri business food delivery shrinked wrapped nation, we have turned a straightforward deal like Kashrus into a truly gray area of observance. We are so far removed from food production that we have come to accept all kinds of Kashrus related compromises without even blinking. This Monsey incident is enough to make you tear up and gag, or at least put down the drum-stick and stare dumbstruck at the Mizrach sign for a minute, but as as the status quo goes, no one is wasting brainpower on what probably happens pretty frequently: People eating animals that aren't truly healthy, are freaked out before shchita, fed all sorts of crap, live in crap conditions but as longs as its NIMBY and hasn't been for the past century, no one blinks twice. The ethics should make anyone who truly wants to keep kashrus become a vegitarian. The only alternative is raise cows in your backyand.