Existential kvetches from your typical non-denominational, non-threatening, quasi-vegetarian, politically conscious, orthodox Jewish single gal. Kaenahora! MirtzaShem by you.

Wednesday, May 17, 2006

Faith Issues Continued...

I am frequently asked how I will live my life having come to conclusions that differ from my upbringing. The simple answer is, nothing. nothing. Nothing.

At least for the time being. I live at home with my parents, I am in school--my goal is to get through uni with zero student debt, and that's the short story of my life. I have thrown myself into my schoolwork, and rarely think about all of these ideological issues when not provoked. For me, it is distracting from the truths that I do prescribe to, namely, something my grandfather mentioned to me when I asked him as a kid what the meaning of life was. "live comfortably and contribute to society."
I can see the gears in your head spinning:
'Now, wait just a minute, K., you do believe in universal, objective truths!'
sure I do! And I believe in love and happiness and life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness, too!
How hypocritical and rationally unfulfilling! Yeah, I know...It is, but these are the things that allow you to get on with life, and not only that, but exceed your own wildest expectations. Unless you are a total wackjob you believe 'do not do unto others what you would not want them to do to you...'
And so, I diplomatically live according to my parent's desires--when in Rome, Right? And then, when I hit the road, I do what I have to do. I have no desire to create upset within my family or community, and yet, I do not feel fulfilled in their world. Onwards and Upwards! I have my outlets and am not afraid to go where your typical ortho might wince (especially in dabbling in dangerous ideas!)
And I am proud of my accomplishments. If I die tomorrow, I will not have regretted my life and my choices. My accomplishments reflect my desire to make the world a better place-if very feeble-at least they are an attempt.
I think people have a difficulty acknowledging that life is full of simultaneous contradictions. Personally, I love them...It allows one to be mysterious and ambiguous. Definition is so static and boring, and hardly suited to the everchanging nature of life. I have come to accept that my life is comprised of conflicting ideas and I am willing to live with that.

12 Comments:

Blogger Nemo said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

12:58 AM

 
Blogger Nemo said...

How are you sure that life, liberty, hapiness and all those other cheery things can be found outside of Judaism?

Forgive me for judging, but how can you determine Judaism unfulfilling if you've never attempted it? Chassidus explains that the satisfaction that one gets in Judaism is when they struggle and go against the odds. One never gets fulfilled because it is a constant struggling, a constant growth. If one stops they fall. They may never reach the top- it's an endless ascent- but the concept that there is more for one to live for gives that glimmer of fulfillment. I think that when one works on that honestly they find joy. I cannot accept that you've ever tried this, because you admitted that you are: 1} Skeptical and 2} Lazy.

1:07 AM

 
Blogger Josh said...

Special K - I don't think there's anything hypocritical about you living a life now that doesn't match your feelings. From a Jewish standpoint, that would be the idea of Sh'Lo Lishma. But I think the bigger question is how does the transition go. Are you planning on dating not frum guys? It's easy to just act on momentum in your parents house, but if you plan on doing things differently, it's a whole different world. How do you break your first Shabbos? Is there like a ceremony, and then you light a match? Or do you just slowly stop doing Minhagim, then D'Rabanans and then D'Oraysahs? I'm not saying you should of course, I'm just trying to understand how the lack of faith or passion translates into change. It seems like that would be a stressful time, but you appear to be taking it stride.

9:56 PM

 
Blogger kaenahora said...

Nemo--universal truths exists within Judaism, but you do not have to perscribe to Judaism to fulfill them. kalamazoo is in the USA, the USA is not in kalamazoo... Second: I am skeptical and lazy on the 3rd of every Month between two and five pm. Really, now, why be so literal? I obviously have spent time trying to make chasidic Judaism work for me--I just think enough is enough at some point, gotta get back to the real world

Josh--what a sensitive and pointed question! How does one break shabbos? date? two very important and unique questions. Same answer for both, acctually. Context. You know that feeling in the pit of your gut that something is really wrong? or really right? Digestive Enzymes do make the best weather vanes. (HUH??) what I mean is, I have always trusted my instinct with stuff like that. Things just come naturally. Don't you feel the same?

11:33 PM

 
Blogger Nemo said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

2:12 AM

 
Blogger Nemo said...

And if you're going to wait 24 hours to comment again, make sure not to comment on Shabbos ;)

2:15 AM

 
Blogger Nemo said...

And if you're going to wait 24 hours to comment again, make sure not to comment on Shabbos ;)

2:15 AM

 
Blogger kaenahora said...

"universal truths exists within Judaism, but you do not have to perscribe to Judaism to fulfill them."

I am not sure what else I can say on this, it seems pretty straightforward. I mean that I believe 'universal truths' exist for humans to coexist in this world. I do not think they stem from religion, even though every major religion promotes these truths. Yes, I have been told throughout my youth that these moral truths are derived from the Torah, a gift Jews gave to the world, etc. I have read secular authors who reiterate the origin of Judeo-christian values. Yet, I can only be skeptical when we talk about the here-and-now. Practical application of our faith often causes basic humanistic values to be pushed to the background.

8:31 PM

 
Blogger Nemo said...

Forget about contrived universal truths or Judeo-christian values.

Philosophically speaking you must admit that there is one ontological truth; The origins of the world and its upkeep. While you are skeptical that it is G-d, can you be so sure as to say that it isn't. Wouldn't you say that it's more logical to assume that which we cannot fathom humanly {G-d} than to make irrational assumptions about existence?

6:13 AM

 
Blogger kaenahora said...

nemo, you say 'While you are skeptical that it is G-d, can you be so sure as to say that it isn't.''

I am not sure that it isn't god. I am just not sure that it is either.

This comment you posted friday baffles me:
"And if you're going to wait 24 hours to comment again, make sure not to comment on Shabbos ;)"
Your comments are adding up to somewhat condescending crescendo, don't you think? You assume I do not keep shabbos..and while I do not blame your immediate assumptions they are, after all based on the comments I have so far posted...but do reflect a somewhat obtuse conclusion of what might be going on inside someone else's head. Dont be so quick ...

1:06 AM

 
Blogger Nemo said...

Have you considered Pascal's wager?

Sorry, for the condescendingness it's just that it was a very real probability and I say it to you the same way I tell my Bar Mitzva kids not to listen to their CD recording of their Haftorahs on Shabbos. They most probably won't even bother studying anyways, but I don't play around with very real possibilities. It actually apparent that you DO keep Shabbos considering that you say that you do Judaism while under your parents roof for the sake of peace. I meant to ask you to explain to what extent, and how much do you do outside of your home.

BTW, I tried to add a ;) for good measure, I guess it didn't work out.

1:55 AM

 
Blogger kaenahora said...

pop, thanks for your comments!
Might I add that I do not believe there is one path for all that fit into the 'same catagory.' At the end of the day, much of how we handle our lives is not only how we see truth, but is based on coping skills--and when life hits you--there often is no time to change your lifestyle to fit your ideology.

6:09 PM

 

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