Weddings

Just got back from another beautiful wedding! The bride looked great, the guests were happy, and the wait-staff were HOT. (...just kiddng, but I bet you weren't expecting that).

I love weddings. I love happy people and I love well dressed people and I love not having to cook dinner :) I love looking at all of the grandparents who are looking at all of the kids who are crawling under the table, where the women have kicked off their heels...

Weddings have the uncanny ability to make you feel very very single. On one hand, its like, "phew, glad thats not me," but the other part of you is like "whats taking so freak'n long??" My sentiment is dichotomized, I cant help it, I feel both...

Now, for my usual bitchy self to shine through...
Question:
Why are all orthodox Jewish weddings exactly the same? In this city, everyone gets married at the same hall, hires the same caterer, and follows the same routine.

The music is ALWAYS too loud, so when you are eating your apitizer you have to shout your "how's by you" to the person sitting next to you (you can't hear their response, but you could care less anyway). The pictures always take too long, and happen smack in the middle of the wedding, right after the ceremony but before the main party, with guests loitering (or drving home to check on the kids), but nonetheless, a serious timewaster...
and the girls!! They all wear these rediculous satiny dresses that without failure make them look truly overheated and somewhat pinched. The appropriate comment is always, and uttered in a nasal monitone, "wow, you look stunning." or "who did your hair?" --which is, by the way, always up in the same predictable bobbypin-ed, hairspray updo thingie.
I wonder who the first person was, to decide that a patched up/tznius-ized prom dress would be the thing to wear. Turn you into Miss It. Make you look like a million bucks. I wonder if they knew or thought of the aftermath-the oodles of youngsters who would blithely follow this unfortunate trend...

And while I'm on it...why do frum women covet 1980s power suits? and how did that ever become formal attire? I mean, if you wanted to sign me up for Blue Cross Blue Sheild or sell my house, I could understand the solid-color-squareness of it all. Weddings? are you kidding me?

I want to hear it from a guy... do you find the get up attractive, or just a bit puzzling? isn't it perplexing? is it, is it????

Possible answers to the prictability issue (?!)
1. Its just plain easier to do what has been d0ne before. After all, when you are getting married approximately 3 months after he proposes, you have very little time to be creative. In New York, they can acctually put together a grand shebang wedding in 3 weeks- if the hall is free that night, grab it quick.

2. You want to be conventional. Some people like cottage cheese. Others like the color beige. and some people get heart palpatations deciding if the bride's sisters are going to wear navy blue or burgundy. I mean, Puleez Louise, man, how much excitement cant you take?

3. The same argument proponents of school uniforms use to argue their case. "conformity allows one's individuality to shine forth" The oxford shirt and penny loafers don't make the kid, its what he thinks and does. If my wedding is exactly like your wedding, no one is distracted by the trimmings, we can just focus on the wondeful people, the spirituality of the day, blah blah blah.

A bit farfetched, that one...

4. They don't care. No one cares. The parents, grandparents and everyone else just want them to get married already...JUST DO IT...before you get yourselves into trouble. Heck, maybe the bride and groom want to get on with it themselves....so they book the same hall, hire the same caterer...you get the picture.

I do love weddings, I really do, but their predictability is just so astounding. I want to get married on a boat, or in my parents living room, or the zoo, or donate the money to charity. I dont care. I really dont (which is why I will probably do what everyone else does, becuase who the heck really cares anyway?)

Have a good one,
Your very favorite tznius wedding crasher